i'll never be the same, if we ever meet again.

it's been a weird and incredibly messed up couple of days.

CHANGECHANGECHANGE

I really do need to get things right.

I know I've changed, alot; might not be noticeable to some, but lately, I just haven't been me. I used to be the person who always worried about what others thought of me & constantly wanted to please them. I'm not going to say I'm not like that anymore because there are still some people that I do strive to please these days, but that certain number of people is decreasing. I've realized that I've been backstabbed, hurt, and all those typical things that we as teens go through & it's just made me cold. Cold, towards others & their emotions, and believing that I should do everything for myself and nobody else. That's not the case, and though I should not push myself to please everyone else, neither should I turn ignorant towards the emotions of others and how my actions may hurt them.

With the things I've done, I know I can't take things back. I know I've said mean things, and I know I've been a bitch to a certain extent. I'm not going to say that anyone did not deserve what I said to them, or what I've done to them - but neither am I going to say I had a right in doing the things I did. So, to anyone that I, myself have screwed over - I'm sorry.

I don't know how to put this, but things can't always be done for one's own gain. Yes, it's human nature - but can't we change that to an extent? I know I want to. I want to stop being this selfish person I've become; I don't like this constant concern about myself over everyone else. I can't say that I can attain this goal of becoming less self centred, but I can try - and that's what I'm going to do.

At the end of all of this, I've just realized - me doing things for my own gain has made me a really unhappy person on the inside. It has worn me out, and it does not do any good for me.

I really just need to turn my life around and go back to God.

I'm sorry to everyone, that's pretty much all I have to say.

I'm really tired. I wouldn't say I've been overworked this past week, but I'm definitely exhausted & my body just feels really weak.

Sadness can only last if you let it.
Switch your train of thought -
stop letting it bring you down.
Think happy thoughts,
look up & plaster a smile on that face of yours.
You'll feel better, I promise.

haha wtf was that? note to self. or anyone else.

Goodnight. 11.04? I'm sleeping early tonight.
A Goodnight's sleep? it's been awhile.

poem #2

You’ve had a rough life, no doubt that’s true
But no matter what, she had always been true to you.
That aroma of love within you two,
was strong, yet you broke it off – too soon.

Now you’re sitting there and constantly regretting,
Beckoning the past? That’s what you’re trying to do.

You should’ve looked inside that heart of hers,
Listened to what she had to say.
You should’ve really thought it through,
Instead of pushing her away.

Now you’re at her door and apologizing once more
But this time she’s not coming back –
Well, you should’ve embraced that love you both shared

so you say I'm suppose to transpose shakespeare's sonnet 130 to modern language?

To be honest, your eyes are fairly cold
Your complexion – it’s a rocky surface
And your voice is very much like a toad’s
You say you look fine? Oh please, plead your case

Hold your hand? That’s like holding loads of sand
Your hair resembles a whole lot of hay,
And you saying that you’re in demand?
It’s like me saying the blue sky is gray.

You have this rather funny little smell
I can smell you when I’m far away, like MILES
I wish I could say it’s a pleasant smell
But, it’s more like trash, and I mean – BIG PILES

And though others say you are imperfect,
To me, in my heart, you are just perfect

LOL FAILURE :)

don't judge a book by it's cover.

cliche much?

My sister's finishing up some literature stuff so, I'm stayin up with her til 12.30. I was going to read my Seventeen magazine, that's been OVERDUE for a reading. I pretty much bought it, hmm, 3 weeks ago & still haven't found time to just SIT, RELAX, AND READ A MAGAZINE. My sister's managed to go through my teen vogue one, whereas I've only managed to skim it.

Hm, oh well - back to "don't judge a book by its cover"

In this new year, it has become so evident that as cliche as it may be, that statement is true. I'm a judgemental person - no doubt about it, but I've realized that alot of people that I've classified as, hmm, people I wouldn't want to associate myself with have only proven that they aren't anything like what I'd imagined they would be. However, the ones I thought were..um, people i WOULD want to associate myself with, just turned out wacked and weird. (I don't mean everyone, I just mean some). It's interesting. I don't know what made me start with this entire thing but, just thought I'd mention that :) but in one case, YOU'RE STILL SOMEONE I'D NEVER EVER WANT TO BE AROUND. JUST SEEING YOU PISSES ME OFF. okay :) i'm sure people feel that way about me too, so i'll shut up :D

12.23, 7 minutes to go. hmm.

Let's see.

Friday: I got home, and well, when you stay up til 6.30 and had to miss two classes cause you're literally worn out - you do this: get home, crash at 5?, sleep til 1 in the morning, EAT dinner at around 2...and stay up til 4 :)

Saturday: IHOP for breakfast (it was the most gorgeous day ever!), went umm, it wasn't even grocery shopping, it was like random shopping at shopper's drug mart for Bathing stuff?! Then, um Alice in Wonderland in 3D, then PEARL CASTLE..at 10.30. yea, sorry i eat alot :)

Sunday: churches & a whole bunch of people came over.

OH LOOK MY SISTER'S SLEEPING. lol, smart. alrighty, nnights :)

What do you expect from me at this point? Tell me. What the hell do I have to do to prove my worth?

Have you ever given something all you've got but gotten nothing but negative responses back?
Even worse - you give it all you've got, get the perfect mark that you've craved, but still no one believes you have the potential to succeed?
Do you understand how I feel when I hear you criticize me saying I'm not good at what I just scored perfect in? Do you literally understand how it affects me and pulls me further down then I already am?
I don't know what I can do except push myself harder, but how much further can I push myself?

And if anyone's thinking what goes around comes around. Well, you're wrong. Cause even if I push myself over my limit and end up damaging myself mentally, or anything. At least I know I did that trying my hardest, unlike you, bitch.

Maybe that doesn't make much sense but really, I'll say - nothing does

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Location:Stanley Pl,Coquitlam,Canada