i'll never be the same, if we ever meet again.

it's been a weird and incredibly messed up couple of days.

CHANGECHANGECHANGE

I really do need to get things right.

I know I've changed, alot; might not be noticeable to some, but lately, I just haven't been me. I used to be the person who always worried about what others thought of me & constantly wanted to please them. I'm not going to say I'm not like that anymore because there are still some people that I do strive to please these days, but that certain number of people is decreasing. I've realized that I've been backstabbed, hurt, and all those typical things that we as teens go through & it's just made me cold. Cold, towards others & their emotions, and believing that I should do everything for myself and nobody else. That's not the case, and though I should not push myself to please everyone else, neither should I turn ignorant towards the emotions of others and how my actions may hurt them.

With the things I've done, I know I can't take things back. I know I've said mean things, and I know I've been a bitch to a certain extent. I'm not going to say that anyone did not deserve what I said to them, or what I've done to them - but neither am I going to say I had a right in doing the things I did. So, to anyone that I, myself have screwed over - I'm sorry.

I don't know how to put this, but things can't always be done for one's own gain. Yes, it's human nature - but can't we change that to an extent? I know I want to. I want to stop being this selfish person I've become; I don't like this constant concern about myself over everyone else. I can't say that I can attain this goal of becoming less self centred, but I can try - and that's what I'm going to do.

At the end of all of this, I've just realized - me doing things for my own gain has made me a really unhappy person on the inside. It has worn me out, and it does not do any good for me.

I really just need to turn my life around and go back to God.

I'm sorry to everyone, that's pretty much all I have to say.

I'm really tired. I wouldn't say I've been overworked this past week, but I'm definitely exhausted & my body just feels really weak.

Sadness can only last if you let it.
Switch your train of thought -
stop letting it bring you down.
Think happy thoughts,
look up & plaster a smile on that face of yours.
You'll feel better, I promise.

haha wtf was that? note to self. or anyone else.

Goodnight. 11.04? I'm sleeping early tonight.
A Goodnight's sleep? it's been awhile.

poem #2

You’ve had a rough life, no doubt that’s true
But no matter what, she had always been true to you.
That aroma of love within you two,
was strong, yet you broke it off – too soon.

Now you’re sitting there and constantly regretting,
Beckoning the past? That’s what you’re trying to do.

You should’ve looked inside that heart of hers,
Listened to what she had to say.
You should’ve really thought it through,
Instead of pushing her away.

Now you’re at her door and apologizing once more
But this time she’s not coming back –
Well, you should’ve embraced that love you both shared

so you say I'm suppose to transpose shakespeare's sonnet 130 to modern language?

To be honest, your eyes are fairly cold
Your complexion – it’s a rocky surface
And your voice is very much like a toad’s
You say you look fine? Oh please, plead your case

Hold your hand? That’s like holding loads of sand
Your hair resembles a whole lot of hay,
And you saying that you’re in demand?
It’s like me saying the blue sky is gray.

You have this rather funny little smell
I can smell you when I’m far away, like MILES
I wish I could say it’s a pleasant smell
But, it’s more like trash, and I mean – BIG PILES

And though others say you are imperfect,
To me, in my heart, you are just perfect

LOL FAILURE :)

don't judge a book by it's cover.

cliche much?

My sister's finishing up some literature stuff so, I'm stayin up with her til 12.30. I was going to read my Seventeen magazine, that's been OVERDUE for a reading. I pretty much bought it, hmm, 3 weeks ago & still haven't found time to just SIT, RELAX, AND READ A MAGAZINE. My sister's managed to go through my teen vogue one, whereas I've only managed to skim it.

Hm, oh well - back to "don't judge a book by its cover"

In this new year, it has become so evident that as cliche as it may be, that statement is true. I'm a judgemental person - no doubt about it, but I've realized that alot of people that I've classified as, hmm, people I wouldn't want to associate myself with have only proven that they aren't anything like what I'd imagined they would be. However, the ones I thought were..um, people i WOULD want to associate myself with, just turned out wacked and weird. (I don't mean everyone, I just mean some). It's interesting. I don't know what made me start with this entire thing but, just thought I'd mention that :) but in one case, YOU'RE STILL SOMEONE I'D NEVER EVER WANT TO BE AROUND. JUST SEEING YOU PISSES ME OFF. okay :) i'm sure people feel that way about me too, so i'll shut up :D

12.23, 7 minutes to go. hmm.

Let's see.

Friday: I got home, and well, when you stay up til 6.30 and had to miss two classes cause you're literally worn out - you do this: get home, crash at 5?, sleep til 1 in the morning, EAT dinner at around 2...and stay up til 4 :)

Saturday: IHOP for breakfast (it was the most gorgeous day ever!), went umm, it wasn't even grocery shopping, it was like random shopping at shopper's drug mart for Bathing stuff?! Then, um Alice in Wonderland in 3D, then PEARL CASTLE..at 10.30. yea, sorry i eat alot :)

Sunday: churches & a whole bunch of people came over.

OH LOOK MY SISTER'S SLEEPING. lol, smart. alrighty, nnights :)

What do you expect from me at this point? Tell me. What the hell do I have to do to prove my worth?

Have you ever given something all you've got but gotten nothing but negative responses back?
Even worse - you give it all you've got, get the perfect mark that you've craved, but still no one believes you have the potential to succeed?
Do you understand how I feel when I hear you criticize me saying I'm not good at what I just scored perfect in? Do you literally understand how it affects me and pulls me further down then I already am?
I don't know what I can do except push myself harder, but how much further can I push myself?

And if anyone's thinking what goes around comes around. Well, you're wrong. Cause even if I push myself over my limit and end up damaging myself mentally, or anything. At least I know I did that trying my hardest, unlike you, bitch.

Maybe that doesn't make much sense but really, I'll say - nothing does

- Posted using BlogPress

Location:Stanley Pl,Coquitlam,Canada

you can be better, i can be better - we can be better.

GOODNIGHT :)

watching monkk PART2 :O then off to bed

Whatever will be - Vanessa hudgens

I've finally learnt to say: whatever will be will be, you take - the good, the bad and BREATHE.

Location:Glen Dr,Coquitlam,Canada

awe hey, whatsup? it's now 2.30 and guess what i've been doin for the past 2 hours?

As humans, we are not perfect – we make mistakes. These mistakes can be life altering, or not have much of an impact at all – but no matter how large or miniscule, these mistakes are made so that we can learn from them. Mistakes are made for us to better ourselves. This is demonstrated through Jennifer Jones, the protagonist of the story. Her mistakes and the conflicts caused by her mistakes, cause her character to develop as it gains and learns from the things she has gone through. As a child, Jennifer Jones had often been neglected by her own mother – though this seems like an inconsequential act, it turns out to have a huge impact on the way she reacts towards situations. It is this negligence that leads to her making a mistake that changes her life drastically: the mistake of killing her own best friend. Jennifer Jones is a round character. She displays various emotions and many a time, the emotions that come through are ones of unhappiness, confusion, and fear. The emotion of unhappiness is caused by the sudden change in her mother’s attitude towards her. Jennifer’s mom used to “[be] with Jennifer all the time” (P. 87), but it changed once her mother had to work more to sustain Jennifer and herself. Her mother then becomes “just a visitor” (p. 88). This change upset Jennifer and causes her to wonder why her mom does not want to be around her anymore. The change causes confusion within her: the confusion of why her mother left her. At the age of 10, Jennifer does not understand that this is because her mom is working hard and just trying to get Jennifer and herself by. Instead, Jennifer questions and blames herself and wonders where she, herself, might have gone wrong. This confusion instils fear within Jennifer – the fear of losing those that are significant to her. This is the cause for the murder. Jennifer’s fear reaches its’ maximum when Michelle, her best friend, decides that their friendship is over. Jennifer then feels “a sudden sense of loss”, as though “everything important [is] walking away” (P.211) from her. Jennifer hits Michelle. She hits her on the head, with a baseball bat, then unknowingly buries Michelle alive and leaves her to die. Jennifer made that mistake. It was never her intention to murder her best friend, but after what she had been through, she did not know how to react to yet another person walking out of her life and no longer caring for her. She could not stand the idea of being alone again. This mistake was caused by a string of events – all starting with the mistake made by her own mother to neglect her. Jennifer’s mother made a mistake in neglecting her child’s need for attention when she was trying to work to sustain Jennifer and herself, what she failed to realize was that what she was doing for Jennifer would end up destructing Jennifer psychologically. Due to this mistake, Jennifer ends up in a conflict with herself and her society. Jennifer cannot forgive herself for her actions, neither can the people from Berwick – but, the main conflict is within her own self. The one thought that runs through her mind repeatedly is, “What [do I] deserve” (P.297). Throughout the story, she does not believe that she deserves this second chance that is being handed to her, but as her character develops, she does come to terms with her past. She never fully forgives herself, but she realizes that this is something she can never take back. She gains from the entire experience by repairing herself psychologically, with the help of the psychiatrists and therapists that she met up with while in prison. Jennifer moves on, just like the story concludes – “there was no such person […] anymore”. As all humans with our imperfections, Jennifer made a mistake. Mistakes are made for us to learn from them; what would we be like without these mistakes?


PLEASE FORGIVE MY BILLION GRAMMATICAL ERRORS, KAYTHANKS.

hi englishh essay, I HATE YOU :)

As humans, we are not perfect – we make mistakes. These mistakes can be life altering, or tiny and not mean much – but either way, these mistakes are made for us to gain from them and to learn from them. They are made so that we can better ourselves. This is demonstrated through Jennifer Jones, the protagonist of the story. Her mistakes, conflicts caused by her mistakes, and her lessons learnt are what move the story forward and what the story emphasizes.

i'm stuck, screwlife.

I HONESTLY knew better, and I thought I could just not bother with it, but apparantly that just isn't true. I'm shocked, pretty much. I didn't see that coming. Yeap, I lost control - no surprise there. I just wanted to believe so badly that it wasn't true, but I was just fooling myself.

hockey is CANADA'S game.

I tried blogging this with my ipod at church, but the internet there was messed. Anyway, I'll admit, I'm not the biggest fan of hockey, nor am I a really patriotic citizen of Canada, but you know what? I'M PROUD OF CANADA. We won GOLD in hockey in the vancouver 2010 olympics, HELLL YES. We proved to everyone whose (did i use this right?) game it really was on HOME TURFFF. We win, USA loses. We lost to them once, but hey - WE WON WHEN IT CAME TO GOLD ;) kay done.

TOOADDDD: As stupid as this may be, I've officially made it into a life lesson. We lose, so that we will come back and fight harder than we ever imagined, and WIN when it really matters :)

Oh, and another thing? I've officially GIVEN UP trying to help anyone. DON'T COME TO ME FOR HELP THEN JUST NOT LISTEN, LIKE WTF IS THAT. SO HERE: I'll tell you my honest opinion, and you can do whatever the hell you want with it. I really can't be bothered to deal with anyone else's bullshit anymore. I'm sorry if that makes me seem cold hearted; I REALLY DON'T CARE WHAT THE HELL OTHERS THINK ANYMORE. (well, kay i do, but honestly, if i don't know you, SCREWYOU.) I'll leave people to do whatever they want, I'll tell them what I think when they ask, and leave it up to them. They want to screw up, GO AHEAD. I'll just let others learn on their own, it works better. Same thing applies to me: if I don't listen to others, I'LL SCREW UP & LEARN IT ON MY OWN. Yeah, I'm stubborn, IKNOW..at least I'm trying to change that. woo kay i'm done for the day, goodnight.

just hit me with the truth

I'm BORED.
Hmm, suppose to be going to church soon...but, everyone's just slow. I'm early, for once :) but, as usual, my sister's late. Um, went swimming on Friday & Saturday - MY HAIR SMELLS LIKE CHLORINE, I CAN'T WASH THE SMELL OFF. WTH. I'm going gymming then swimming today after the second church. Alriiiight. I think we're going.

this time i mean it

You are not going to get in my way.

I can not, and will not let you.

No, I won't let you get in my head.

No, I won't let you mess me up.

I'm staying strong, moving head on.

I'm going to get what I want,

I'm going to succeed-

and nothing will stand in my way.

No, that doesn't hurt...not at all.


- Posted using BlogPress

Location:Glen Dr,Coquitlam,Canada

boredom kills

okaaaay, time to read the socials textbook and prepare for tmrw's test.

hahah english paragraph done after a billion hours of editing and it's still not perfect, sighh.

Humans: beings that have a tendency to be judgmental, and base their judgements solely on outward appearances. Valgardson’s Identities reflects this idea and shows how identifying ourselves and others based on outward appearances can turn deceptive and dangerous. The story starts out with the protagonist being dependant on his own outward appearance and the judgements of others to keep him safe. He relies on his “day old beard […] combined with his clothes [to] provide immunity” against those that he has classified as dangerous. He depends on the judgements of those in front of him and focuses completely on trying to blend in with them. He never considers or realizes that there will be others like his actual self that will be deceived by his appearance, thus putting his own life on the line. In this case, a police officer is deceived by the protagonist’s appearance, which causes him to perceive the man as a danger. This perception leads the officer to make a huge mistake – one that he would never be able to take back. He identifies the man “as a potential thief and not as a probable owner” as “he has been trained to see an unshaven man in blue jeans” as such. The police officer sees the man and instantly judges him based on his appearance. He is fooled by his own judgements and never considers that the man has no intention of doing any wrong and is just a man trying to get back home. These events lead up to the protagonist putting his faith in the Police Officer because he “recognizes the uniform”. He is certain that his safety is ensured, and “does not feel fear but relief”. Thus, he “instinctively [relaxes], certain of his own safety”, and in his last ironically trusting “movement of his life, he reaches his hand toward his wallet for his identity”, and dies. The protagonist did not realize that he was putting his life in danger by unknowingly trusting an inexperienced officer who was judging him superficially. The officer, being nervous, fails to consider what else the man may be and shoots him. The trust that the protagonist placed in the police officer’s uniform consequently deceived him into acting in a way that would end his life. Thus, the story illustrates how humans are extremely superficial –we judge others based on appearance; what we do not realize is how these perceptions can lead us down a deceptive and dangerous road.

i've got my mindset.

it's 5.41 am, I woke up at 4...I haven't been able to sleep properly at all tonight. So, I decided I'd just wake up and write my alternative ending (english hw) so that I wouldn't have to rush tommorow. It took less time than I actually expected. So, since I'm done facebooking, twittering, etc. well not done msning, but bleh, you get the point.

Hmm, so what's there to blog about?
Nothing new...just leading my dear old boring life. Tired, as usual.

OH OH OH. lol, you're FUNNNNNY. trying to give advive to others that YOU won't even take yourself? you're a joke. AND I'VE LOST MY ENERGY TO RANT. or, kind of decided that it actually pisses me off more. Guess a certain someone was right about that? when he was still, um, normal? whatever happened to him, anyway?

ummmm, yep. 5.48, brain isn't working too well. I HEAR BIRDS CHIRPING? Damn, I'm gonna CRASH when i get home after school, unless I go exercise or something. i'm hungry, but if i get out of my room, my parents are BOUND to wake up and go WHY ARE YOU AWAKE.

mmm, maybe i should do some chinese homework. I really don't want to though, i have to write 250 chinese words like WHO DOES THAT? not me, kay thanks :)

nothing nothing nothing left to say. I WANT MY BIO TEST BACK. Wow, I'm weird at 5.52 in the morning.

i just wanna let it go.

YAY :) just went running. Terrible thing would be that I'm most probably going to wake up to the sore-EST body ever tmr! Haha, oh well :) 3 consecutive days of exercise, works for me :) it gets me all hyped up anyway.

Swimming is actually such a good workout :) I need to go more often! Swam 20 laps yesterday, then suana and hottub :) obviously :D hmm, I should swim more laps next time. Kay, homework time.

-nothing will get in my way of getting what i want.

there's nothing you can do to change my mind.

My whole body is so sore.

I pretty much tried to pull an all nighter on Thursday night (because I couldn't focus in the afternoon) to prepare for the biology test on Friday, but that didn't work. I think I only slept 2 - 3 hours? I can't remember. I pretty much ended up leaving school early and crashed.

Went to the gym today, then bubble tea :) haven't had bubble tea in forever. Going swimming tommorow after church, I think? Hopefully. I haven't swam in a year!!

yayy most prob swimming & gymming tomorrow! or, today i guess, shit, it's 1 am. So, tired, kay - crashing time.

today was a fairytale

why do the simplest things make me so incredibly happy sometimes? someone just made my day, literally :) haven't been quite so hyper & happy in quite awhile :)

wtf have i ever done to you, asshole.

the story left untold, is better than you know.

seow family, cny - in canada. xx.

On replay, once again

Mm, whatcha say? That you only meant well - well, of course you did, mm, whatcha say? That it's all for the best? Well, of course it is...

- Posted using BlogPress

Location:Canada

happy cny & have a great valentine's day

恭喜发财

&

Happy Valentine's Day to all :)

Happy cny..a day early

Seriously? I'm forced to wake up at 11 and go out all day? I absolutely adore Chinese new year..but really? I need to sleep :/


- Posted using BlogPress

Location:Canada

can you actually say this isn't true?

Remember how you said that singapore guys from all guys schools were immature when it came to relationships, liking girls, etc. ? Remember how you said you were different? I hate to break it to you, Ray, but you're exactly like them. Talk about being an absolute hypocrite.

it doesn't matter how, it doesn't matter why

Awe, it's sunnnnnyyy :)

I should really go running, but i'm an incredibly lazy bum who has decided i will not get off my ass and go out there & run :( SUCKS FOR ME

Hmm, something that's running through my mind at the moment - English class. "We all want to be right nowadays?", something along those lines? True, so true.

Nooooothing left to say except that, I officially do not remember grade 10 science. Why would the water's temperature stop going up after it boils? I actually...do not know.

PAAAAT - that's the malibu i'm talkin bout :) sucha cute bottle!

bored child on a sunny day :)

& if you don't want people to know you're talking about them, don't talk about them at all.

P.S. Do not talk about me if you've never even MET me in your life, and you most probably will never meet me in your entire lifetime. What do you guys gain from bringing up my name in a place i'm not even in? Pointless, don't you think? or are you too stupid to even realize that.

excuse me while i laugh my ass off.

Every Avenue has amazing songs :)

So, chemistry 12 - major dislike? I'm not used to the manner in which the questions are being asked, it's nothing like chemistry 11. Then again, I had a very different teacher then, so I guess that explains it? Seriously, how is the homework doable though? I don't understand what the hell they're asking, and he kind of didn't go through the terms. Screwed over? I believe so.

OHHHH, and you know what's absolutely perfect? When I don't realize that we DON'T have to do the paragraph questions in the bio textbook, and spend an entire day working on them...then get a text the next day telling me it wasn't necessary...doesn't make me go insane at all...

Blah, don't get me started on people twisting my words. It's annoying. How do you get "not worthy" from me saying you lie too much? Whatever.

tgif

THANK GOD IT'S FRIDAY.

I'm dead, like - words can't even describe how tired I was today. I fell ASLEEP in biology today during the video. I could not focus, at all. Report Cards yesterday, ew ew ew I wanted to shoot myself. 93 in chemistry 11(all thanks to that TERRIBLE final - 88%? really? who the hell is that dumb?), 94 in math (12% increase :O though, I wish I DID do better first term, it would've been a way higher mark - thank you dear Lord for giving me 100% on my final), French & Marketing - absolute nightmares - that's what I get for having 17 absences in each, LOL! Wait no, I got like 69 & 75 HAHAHA. Apparantly, I lost focus in french? I NEVER HAD FOCUS. Oh, and taking 4 academic courses = immense torture. Chemistry 12, Biology 11, English 11, and Socials 11, IHATECHUUUU :)

I'm having the worst writer's block possible when I'm suppose to be writing a paragraph discussing the theme of "the notebook". It's driving me absolutely insane. I'm just going to be getting everything out til i can get myself to think clearly. The notebook - the typical love story, with the expected happily ever after. It proved that when we fought whole heartedly for our heart's one true desire, when we pick ourselves up through the infinite times we have failed - we can get that one desire. Noah fought for Allie. He wrote her 365 letters, it takes a man who's truly devoted to write his love a letter, every single day - for an entire year. It proved his dedication to her, it showed his perseverance. Even when she wouldn't reply, he kept going - but he did stop, and he lost hope for a bit. But, when he got the house on the plantation, his love for her was revived. He rebuilt that house, trying to recreate what she had visioned for that house when they were there during that picture perfect summer. He built it with the belief that if he built it just the way she had always imagined that she would come back to him. It didn't matter that he saw her with her fiancee, he still had hope - and he was still there, fighting for his heart's true desire. With that hope, and with that house, she came back. It started out as nothing more than her wanting to visit him to see how he was doing, but once they saw each other: the love came back. That summer romance brought back memories of how true their love had been. As they reminisced, they could feel that the feelings were still there. Noah wouldn't give her up, he didn't let her leave - if he had, all the chances of being together once again might have just dissapeared, been flushed down. He fought, with all that was left of him - and he did get what he wanted. Sometimes, we just have to keep fighting with all that's left.

wow. prob a billion grammar mistakes, and terrible sentence structure & it's basically me rambling on and on. hmmphs.

when you try, but sometimes it's never enough.

i know that a couple people have said that i push myself too hard & i know that my parents say they don't expect anything out of me - but sometimes i can't help but feel like an absolute dissapointment? I can't maintain perfect straight A's - I can only maintain them in my academic courses. What does that prove? I'm not well rounded, I can't manage my time properly & excel in everything...what else...I don't even know. I just feel like I've let everyone around me down. I've let them down, one too many times.

rewind, restart, replay -

RESTAAAART.

maybe you're right,

maybe bitching just

increases the anger within.

so we restart, and try to look at things in a more positive manner.

First day of semester 2 - my classes aren't all that bad! :) As a matter of fact, I do like them.

Socials 11: Pretty easy course, hopefully? Let's just hope the provincial doesn't end up being hard as hell :)

Chem 12: Honestly, just looking at the data booklet in itself makes me want to cry. It looks difficult & seems stressful...very stressful. 90% of our grade will be coming from just test & quizzes & only 10% from homework, labs, etc. REALLY? :( why. (pretty sure I'm psyching myself out before the actual course even begins...)

Bio 11: seems easy enough :) tons of memorization, but I'll work my ass off to achieve a good mark.

English 11: Hmm, that whole end of the year thing just doesn't seem pleasant. How is anyone suppose to figure out a theme that connects the ENTIRE course? : I mean, it's english - I'm pretty sure some BOOK is not going to connect to poetry...is it? : In class writing sample topic did make me think though...Explaining what it's like to be a teenager these days? hmm, I had like a whole bunch of stuff going through my head non stop, pretty sure it was a very messy (in terms of how it was written - ideas & all that) paragraph.